Preamble

If there are Selena stans here please forgive me for never realising her worth as an artist. I didn’t dislike her, I just had no opinion about her whatsoever.

I discovered this song on a meme page. They were discussing her emotion and how many pieces her heart had been broken into. Me being the kind of person who adores poetry and emotional songs, I thought I’d give it a listen.

I was not expecting the impact it would have on me. Selena is a beautiful soul and this song is potent. It brought me back to the girl I was in 2011. I was 21 / 22 again.

That girl is pictured above, and that’s what this post is about.

The Feelings

The girl pictured above is wearing a false smile. She is happy because she’s with her friends. Yet she is hurting inside so deeply she’s self-medicating. The smile is the lie she tells to those around her. It was her goal to appear nonchalant, but her mind was in turmoil.

Then this girl below. You’ve probably seen her before. Better yet you may have even been this girl before. (This is not about shaming, this is about growth).

This girl is trying too hard. She changed her hair because she wanted to change her identity. To bleach out the previous two years. She sold herself the narrative that she wasn’t to blame. She was the victim.

You were not the victim.  You were a strong girl, who let her sense of self be diluted. You chose to ignore someone who told you who they were. You refused to listen and pretended that they were someone else. That you could be suited somehow if you just bowed yourself enough.

“When people show you who they are, believe them.” – Maya Angelou

Yet I have a tenderness for this girl because she was in so much pain. Pain because another relationship didn’t work. She didn’t want to address the fact that she may be to blame, she wanted to blame the other person.

There was equal blame.

The pain from not being who she thought she was, and really, she didn’t know who she was yet. It took her longer to find herself than most, but less time than some.

Eventually, though she learned how to transform the pain into understanding, and the blame into a lesson.

Conclusion

Basically, this doesn’t apply to everyone. Some people are victims because they’ve been manipulated, emotionally, physically or both. I wasn’t. (Well not so much so that I wouldn’t be able to get away).

I was angry, I was hurt, and I was so tired. Instead of realising both my culpability and my power, I ended up blaming the other person completely. Taking it out of my hands entirely.

Nothing is ever out of your hands entirely. You have choices. Don’t let life happen to you.

Anyways hindsight is 20/20. What I’m happy about now is how much I’ve grown to the point that I can actually admit when I’m wrong. (If Le’Boo is reading this, he’s probably laughing his ass off right about now).

This is that girl now, She is a WOMEN and Bish, she is not bowing for anyone.

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This song also lowkey hits.