The podcast stops playing on my phone as it begins to ring. I see the name of a friend flash up. I’ve taken many calls in the past week, but I don’t have anything left. I look down at my messy clothes, I feel my unbrushed hair and teeth, and my general sense of disarray.
My hand is hovering over the phone on the counter, and eventually, it stops ringing. I feel two things mainly. Firstly, I feel sadness. Sadness because I don’t have the energy to talk to my friend on the phone. Secondly? Utter embarrassment.
Does your mental illness ever make you feel embarrassed? When you are at your lowest, the simplest things are impossible, and it’s hard not to be distraught.
When I’m depressed I can barely get out of bed, nevermind shower. So if a friend turns up randomly at my home, I’m probably not clean. This makes me feel ashamed for my state of being. Although it cannot be helped, it still hurts.
Also, I can’t sleep at night, so I usually sleep between 7am and 10am. I can hear you say, “you need to adopt a more healthy sleep pattern,” and I agree. It doesn’t mean I’m not trying, it just means it’s not working.
Mostly for me though, the hardest part of the depression, is the brain fog. The dissociation. I can’t string sentences together. I find driving difficult. It amps up my anxiety which feeds my depression. If I could get off the hamster wheel I would, but all I can do it wait for it to slow down.
I was able to do some washing today. This is a big win for me. Sometimes I’m fine. I’m ok, I can work, and read, and wash and learn, and not be hard on myself.
Sometimes though, I need to rest.
There are many vasts posts about mental health and no one solution.
The one that works for me, that makes me feel less embarrassed is I don’t take myself too seriously. Life is a wonder, and it’s amazing to be alive, but it doesn’t make it any less strange. I’m still a valid person, and my inactivity does not define my worth.
This year has been wonderful for interactions with other bloggers, cementing friendships and even learning new facts about each other. You know already I’m a huge fan of Lee’s Hall of Information, and his commitment to writing never ceases to amaze me.
Have you read Jack Thorn: A Story of the Future:
He’s kindly nominated Thinking Moon for the Sunshine Blogger Award and I couldn’t be more humbled. He is always out there supporting other indie authors by reviewing their work, keeping up his blog, writing books and plays.
He has published four books which are available on Amazon.
Thank the blogger who nominated you and link back to their blog.
Answer the 11 questions the blogger asked you.
Nominate 11 new blogs to receive the award and write them 11 new questions.
List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo in your post and/or on your blog.
My questions for nominees:
Why did you start blogging?
Sometimes when I’m writing my blog I ask myself the same thing. Am I adding value? Is my writing good enough? Are people enjoying it? Eventually, I realised that it didn’t really matter because two things were happening. I was practising my writing skills and I was joining a wonderful community.
To make a long story short, to practice and have a portfolio to show people.
Who is your go-to blogging influence/blogger that inspires you?
There are a good few, and Lee is definitely one of them. I adore Megan from A Geeky Gal, she is so inspirational. Finally (there are more these are just the main ones), A Stoner On A Rollercoaster. She published her own poetry book this year and it is genuinely beautiful.
Name 3 music albums that shaped your life?
Ooohhhhhh really hard to narrow it down but definitely “Hotel California,” by the Eagles, “Jagged Little Pill,” by Alanis Morrisette, and finally “Fumbling Towards Ecstacy,” by Sarah McLachlan. I grew up listening to the Eagles and still love them to this day.
Alanis has many excellent albums, but this was the first one that made me realise that women can be badass rocks stars too. Finally, two of Sarah McLachlan’s song were featured in Buffy The Vampire Slayer season finales, so, need I say anymore?
Jagged Little Pill – Alanis Morisette
Hotel California – Eagles
Fumbling Towards Ecstasy – Sarah McLachlan
Is there something out there who you think is underrated?
There is so much out there that is underrated, especially when it comes to art. There are so many musicians I love that are just scraping by. However for fun: Mooncake is totally underrated! Final Space is a great show and I just don’t think it gets the love it deserves.
Which season of the year do you prefer and why?
I was born in Spring but I’ve always felt like an Autumn child. I love the colours, the cosiness and of course, HALLOWEEN! Last year throughout October I had some very special blog posts and stories. So look out for that again this year.
Name a television show or film you couldn’t live without?
I am currently reading new and rereading anthropology books. I am currently writing that section of my thesis at the moment. I just reread “The Forest People” by Colin M. Turnbull. This is the third time I read it and I still love it to this day. I highly recommend it you don’t need to be an anthropologist to enjoy it.
What are you currently writing?
My PhD confirmation transcript! I have an exam in November where I basically present my research so far and they say whether or not it’s good enough to go on! This is me below presenting my research to the faculty back in May so they can review what I’m doing.
Name something you don’t like but ‘everyone’ else does?
People are obsessed with pancakes and I just don’t get them. I’d much prefer something else for breakfast. Don’t worry if you’re offended by that Le’Boo thinks I’m crazy.
Do you have a profession outside of writing/blogging?
I’m an academic, and a trained anthropologist.
Name a place you’ve always wanted to visit but never have?
The Atacama desert in Chile, because it’s reportedly one of the best places to view the night sky and all the stars.
These nominees have less than 100 followers because I would like to spread the love for those working hard regardless of the size of their blog.