10 Books I Read This Year That I Loved

10 books I read or possibly re-read this year that I loved.

 

Hello fellow bookworms, time for another book blog boosterama. I adore books, have I mentioned that? I’m trying to read 80 (non-academic) books this year and so far I have made it to 64. I’m a little behind, however I read like a crazy mo-fo over Christmas so I think I’ll make it. 😉

 

I’ll try to go spoiler free but some of these books are older… so… spoiling may happen. Some of these books appeared in a previous post, but I needed to include them because I loved them so much!

These are in order unlike some of my other posts so you guys can argue with me in the comments if you disagree, I love a good debate. 😊

10. ‘Brave,’ – Rose McGowan.

This book made me both heartbroken for and proud of Rose McGowan. Her tough upbringing would have made most people hardened and silent. She instead directs her energies towards art as transformation. This is a very important book not just for woman, but for all oppressed humans. Bravo to Brave. You can check her out on Instagram. She’s doing cathartic things there at the moment.

Books

9. ‘Furiously Happy,’ – Jenny Lawson.

Friends I read this book in less than a day because I couldn’t put it down. I forwent sleep, and in exchange, I was rewarded with laughter. Jenny Lawson reminds us that our mental illnesses are not our masters, the blame should not lie within, and we can break free. We can work hard to combat our demons, and in the meantime be furiously happy! By the way, the raccoon on the front is a taxidermy owned by the author. Oh yes.

Furiously Happy - J Lawson

8. ‘The Alchemist,’ – Paulo Coehlo.

When I bought this book, I was skeptical, because I had not heard one bad review from anyone. They were all correct, it was absolutely amazing. It will give you a strange feeling. If you have not read this you need to. This is my second time reading it, it’s healing.

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7. ‘The Princess’ Diarist,’ – Carrie Fisher.

Get this on audiobook from audible, trust me. It’s worth it to hear Carrie Fisher tell her age-old tale, in her uniquely hilarious voice. Her wonderful daughter Billie Lourd also reads a section as Fisher’s ‘younger self.’ So sweet and at the same time, sad. I miss her so much. RIP Carrie Fisher.

The Princess Diarist - Carrie Fisher

6. ‘The Haunting Of Hill House,’ – Shirley Jackson.

So this came out on Netflix as a new series and in true Jaycee fashion, I had to read the book before I watched the show. Well, now I’m scared to watch the show! When I say she’s a horror legend, believe me.

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5. ‘Americanah,’ – Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.

This book is Poetry. It’s even better served as an audiobook. I listened to Adjoa Andoh’s narration and it was fantastic. Read this book, but if you can listen to it as well. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I looked forward to my morning and evening commutes so I could hear more about the lives of Ifemelu and Obinze.

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4. ‘Cosmos,’ – Carl Sagan

I adored this book. Although it was written nearly 40 years ago, it still feels as fresh and uplifting as ever. You need to read this book, it will change your perspective on our wonderful universe. It inspired so many people including some of my personal favourites, Professor Brian Cox and Neil Degrasse Tyson. “I have loved the stars too fondly, to be fearful of the night.”

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3. ‘The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon,’ – Stephen King.

I have read many many Stephen King books and he has never disappointed me. With this book, he actually surprised me. He kept his supernatural element as an undercurrent to the book, while the true strength of human nature came in the form of a young girl, who wanted to survive. This story will grip you while putting you right there in the forest with her.

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2. ‘The History Of Bees,’ – Maja Lunde.

What a wonderful book. Also what a harrowing message. Lunde tells the story of our world if our bees began to disappear tomorrow. We get a story told through three different very perspectives, yet we feel their pain as though it were our own. Lunde tells us what scientists have been trying to convey for years now. If we don’t look after our bees, the world will be a very different place.

A History Of Bees - Maja Lunde

1. ‘We Have Always Lived In A Castle,’ – Shirley Jackson.

Having truly enjoyed and been scared by ‘The Haunting of Hill House’ I had a book hangover when it was over. Io I thought I would give more Jackson’s work a try, to alleviate the pain of finishing a great book. This one was unbelievable and my favourite book I’ve read in 2018. I can’t believe I only discovered Jackson now, as a huge fan of horror I thought I’d read it all until I read ‘We Have Always Lived In A Castle.’ Check it out, my friends.

Books
Books

Ok my lovey loves that’s all for today. Sorry, it’s a bit short but I have an ongoing project that had a deadline. If it works out I will be able to let you in on it. If it doesn’t well it will fall into the annals of the internet, buried under memes and

What am I writing poetry or something?

https://thinkingmoon.com/category/stories/

7 ‘Small’ YouTuber’s I Love

Well, friends, it’s Tuesday so it’s time for another bit of fun, and what’s more fun than YouTube…? No need to answer that!

If you have a YouTube channel please link it below and I’ll subscribe. Honestly, I’ve tried to subscribe to as many as my followers as possible but I may have missed you!

Anyways it’s my favourite website I spend more hours on there then I care to let you know, (all of the hours). 😊

Hence you may have noticed my attempt at YouTube videos (subscribe!!!
https://www.youtube.com/user/PrincessGinJenXxx). You might not know it but I’m a staaaarrrrrr on YouTube. 😉

Today I’d like to highlight some YouTube channels that are under 500,000, even under 100,000. There are many I love but these are 7 that come to mind. 

Before we do though I would like to mention our fellow blogger Steven Colbourne. He has a YouTube channel and he will be putting up some interesting stuff there in the coming months so let’s go support him!

https://perfectchaos.org/2018/11/25/request-for-support/

So without further ado, I shall begin in no particular order:

1.

ECO BOOST

You may have noticed my sustainability journey and this Lady was recommended to me by my sister-in-law. I watched her videos from start to finish and her evolution gave me hope for myself. She was into dyeing her hair, makeup, fashion… and she made it work. Now in fairness, she lives in London so some of her habits/hacks are harder for me. However, she is charming and very easy to learn from.

YouTube
YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3pE1IqHqbdf3vqtaALL4nA

2.

BEDTIME STORIES

This is such an amazing story channel. I only recently discovered it and I got obsessed. I watched all of their videos in like 2 days. If you are interested in spooky stories or unexplained mysteries then these guys are for you. I can’t believe they don’t have more views/subscribers. 

YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCD4-G3Aokt2sM7TYQV2HmA

3.

SPILL

This adorable channel discusses YouTube ‘drama & gossip’ in a fresh way. It’s not speculative wherein you come away with the same information. This channel challenges itself by adding clips/thoughts from professionals such as doctors, scientists, and philosophers. Plus it’s cute.

YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_Vl1oLTGjWYJLmbTpaqorQ

4.

INABBER

My fellow Edgelord Fraser, better known as INabber on the interwebs. Another YouTube gossip channel (what have I become), but hear me out! This guy tells jokes! Just trust me he’s a funny guy, give him a try.

YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLuqzTYgef441A0VYecDHxA

5.

MUCHELLEB

Muchelle B is a lifestyle blogger I love. She has such interesting take on productivity coupled with self-care. Her videos are visually entertaining and her tagline is ‘living life intentionally.’ Genuinely that’s advice I think we could all do with.

YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0sA4gvlWFHfdwaPlBDqnGg

6.

THE WHAT CAST

My buds! Well, I like to think we’re buds because these guys are too relatable. Like the way they converse is just what it’s like in my head. Their podcasts somehow manage to intrigue and tickle me simultaneously. If you like podcasts they are everywhere you find podcasts. Also, they’ve done fantastic readings of SCP’s from the SCP website that’s well worth a listen. 

YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvpug3ySXzVequxFevSwONg/videos

7.

SWOOP

Finally, the incomparable, the beautiful, the brilliant Spankie Valentine, AKA Swoop. This girl had a YouTube channel that had 600,000 subscribers, then a YouTube algorithmic anomaly destroyed it overnight. She then picked herself up, dusted herself off, and created SWOOP.

She made a video about mental health that won an award at the 2018 Buffer Festival. She’s fun, she’s fab, she’s full of life and she needs your subscription! 

YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqHZdrDcZhhRO11m67Tgz4A

So that’s all that I have for you lovely people today. Please check below for other fun Tuesday lists.

https://thinkingmoon.com/category/tuesday-fun/

 

My Tattoos!

My friends before we begin how many of you have tattoos or harbor ambitions of getting tattoos? Please let me know in the comments below I would love to know. 

I made a YouTube video to accompany this because it was too difficult to take photos of my tattoos without showing off too much. Can’t have my noods leaked to the internet. 😂

You can also find my tattoo artist @TattooHeroesDublin on Facebook and @tattoo_heroes on Instagram.

So if you’re ever in Ireland or live here. I couldn’t recommend them more!

I got my first tattoo at 19 with my best friend. I got a very simple Chinese symbol and she got a really cool bowler hat. I thought that maybe I would get 2 or 3 more. However, over the next 9 years, I’ve gotten 10 and counting… I’m booked in for a new one as my Christmas present from Le’Boo! 

My most recent tattoo I got with 2 friends and Le’Boo. We all got the same one, and he was the last person I’d ever expect to get a tattoo. For reals. Yet we went and got them together.

1. Chinese Symbol

So I’ll start with my very first tattoo which was the Chinese symbol for strength. I don’t think I have a picture of when I had it first, so the picture I have is from today, so it’s a bit faded to be honest. Although this was a small tattooo, it was on my rib cage and was rather painful. At the time when it was happening, I was like, “why are you doing this to yourself? Ahhhhhhh.”

2. Egyptian Hieroglyph

Next up was my Egyptian hieroglyph the eye of Horus. Honestly, this one was a piece of cake, I genuinely nodded off on the table. It was on my ankle and I guess there is more muscle there for padding.

3. Rose

Then I went back to the rib cage because I’m insane! When I started getting tattoos I wanted to be able to hide them if necessary. over the years I’ve gotten them in places that I deemed ‘safe.’ Now I’m like nah! However until then they went in hidden places, hence my return to the rib cage. I love this one it’s the rose from Beauty and The Beast, and I intend on getting more onto it in the future. For now, it’s pretty. 

4. Recurring Nightmare

Next up was my biggest tattoo to date. I was having an anxiety dream over and over. I was climbing a rope in complete darkness and there was something trying to catch me. Something that was humanoid but not human. My tattoo artist Pat listened as I explained this to him, and what he drew was above my expectations.

Tattoos

5. Pineapple

Then I got a small pineapple behind my ear. However not just any pineapple! The pineapple from the ASDF movies on the YouTube. “I’m depressed!” “Suddenly, Pineapples!” “That didn’t help at all!” Check them out from the link at the end.

Tattoos!

6. Buzz Lightyear

Then I continued my Disney obsession. I’ve said before that Beauty and The Beast is my favourite Disney movie, well Toy Story is my favourite Pixar movie, and Buzz Lightyear is my hero. I even named one of my cars after him.

Tattoos!

7. Star Wars

Then I went full nerd and got a Star Wars tattoo. The rebel symbol with the word hope in it.

Tattoos!

8. Grrrrrr Arrrrghhh

My first Buffy tattoo (yes you read that right) was the grrr argh monster from the Mutant Enemy logo at the end of the episodes. Can’t wait to get my second one next month. 😉

9. Buttercup

Then I went for a cartoon classic The Powerpuff Girls. Although Bubbles is adorable, and Blossom is a kick ass leader, Buttercup was always my favourite. A grump, who loves rock music. What an icon.

Tattoos!

10. Coffeeeeeeeeee

So sweet and lame but myself and Le’Boo both have this tattoo and it’s in the same place. I know we’re so freakin’ adorable. #couplegoals. Our friends who are also a couple got the same tattoo on their rib cages.

Tattoos!

My Tattoos

Copyright © 2018 Thinkingmoon.com – All rights reserved

*update I forgot the same tattoo that I forgot in the video! My pizza slice with the pepperoni hearts. 😊

So I hope you enjoyed that. Here is the YouTube link if you are interested. If you have a YouTube account if you could subscribe to me there I’d be so grateful. 

 

Message # 6: I’ve Been Nominated!

I’ve been nominated for the Liebster Award by the the wonderful Ms Jade Li of https://tao-talk.com/

If you haven’t checked out her blog yet please do it’s so interesting she discusses Daoism by providing a place for those interested in learning and sharing.

It a wonderful award and I’m very grateful for the nomination. It highlights and supports bloggers like myself and Ms Jade Li who are slowly growing their audience. Now it would appear that the rules are as follows:

RULES

  • Acknowledge the blogger that gave it to you and display the award.
  • Answer 11 questions that the blogger gave you.
  • Give 11 random thoughts about yourself.
  • Nominate 11 other bloggers and notify them of their nomination.
  • Ask your nominees 11 questions.

Now without further ado I will answer these questions.

  1. Sunlight or moonlight? Moonlight, always.
  2. Top 5 favorite movies? Beauty and The Beast, Toy Story, The Big Lebowski, Clueless, The Matrix.
  3. Funniest thing you ever saw? My brother and boyfriend every day.
  4. Best thing that ever happened to you by accident? Meeting my PhD supervisor.
  5. Weirdest dream you ever had? I in fact dream every night and often dream of the apocalypse.
  6. If you had 3 wishes that could come true, what would they be? Health for my family, success in my writings and more understanding in the world.
  7. Favorite cartoon as a kid? The Weekenders.
  8. Favorite toy as a kid? Crayons and paper.
  9. If you could have a party with your favorite musician/group playing for it, who would you choose to play for your party? Foo Fighters.
  10. If you could build any invention, what would it be? An automatic translator that you wear in your ear like a hearing aid.
  11. What’s the best thing you ever wrote? Please include a link to it if you wish. I wrote this recently and I like it:  https://thinkingmoon.com/2018/11/06/i-am-invisible/

 

11 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME:

  1. My birthday is also a Star Wars pun: May the Fourth be with you.
  2. My feet are so cold all the time that I always wear 2 pairs of socks every day.
  3. When I was 11 I joined my local brass band.
  4. I’m the tallest woman (at 5.4 ft / 1.6m) on both sides of my family.
  5. I have green eyes, but my left eye has a brown dot. My cousin has the exact same green eyes, with the exact same brown dot. 
  6. Halloween is my Christmas.
  7. My love came to me after 2 heartaches.
  8. My favourite colour is blue but my favourite colour to wear is red.
  9. My second favourite colour is green.
  10. I love Buzz Lightyear so much I got him tattooed on my leg.
  11. I’m letting my hair go grey.

 

11 QUESTIONS FOR MY NOMINEES:

1. What fruit do you dislike?
2. What genre of music are you most likely to win a Grammy for?
3. What is your worst earworm?
4. Which aminal do you most relate to?
5. What is your favourite scent?
6. If you could change your first name to anything what would it be?
7. How many countries have you visited?
8. Converse or Vans?
9. If you could meet one fictional character who would it be?
10. What is something that’s very popular but you just don’t get?
11. Halloween or Christmas?

MY 11 NOMINEES:

  1. https://sunilmdabral.wordpress.com/
  2. https://blessingsbyme.wordpress.com/
  3. https://thekindtempest.com/
  4. https://rakupottery.ca/
  5. https://dearinternetkats.blog/
  6. https://aravenclawwallflower.wordpress.com/
  7. https://viewfromtheback.com/
  8. https://thevintagetoyadvertiser.org/
  9. https://petietspoetry.wordpress.com/
  10. https://naturallycalamityjane.ca/
  11. https://meagainstmyself.blog/

Copyright © 2018 Thinkingmoon.com – All rights reserved

https://thinkingmoon.com/category/messages/

Message # 5 – Stream of Consciousness

Hello friends, I just have a stream of consciousness for you today because I don’t have time for my usual Friday post.

If you don’t know I’m doing a PhD and I have an annual review today. Although I’m nervous, I’m very excited to discuss my research. Here is a sneak peek at my presentation:

This week I reached 200 followers on this platform and I am forever grateful for each one of you. This community is supportive, creative, and completely kind. My whole life is consumed by writing and although I’m 28 years young, I only realised that 2 years ago. This platform is the place for me.

Stream of Consciousness
Stream of Consciousness

Whether I post a fictional story, a rant about traffic or simply a healing post on my mental illness, you are all wonderfully complementary.

It is people like you that make this world a healthy place for the imagination. Your simple acts of kindness whether that be a comment on my blog or something in your day to day life, is revolutionary.

If I ever make it to 500 followers I’ll do another collaborative post like my 100th follower post. Today though, all I have for you is gratitude and humility. We lift each other up, and no success is won alone.

Thank you,

Jaycee.

xxx

Copyright © 2018 Thinkingmoon.com – All rights reserved

Stream of Consciousness
Stream of Consciousness

Sometimes I talk to you all directly.

https://thinkingmoon.com/category/messages/

Top 10 ‘Eagles’ Songs That Weren’t Singles

RIP Glenn Frey (1948 – 2016)

We are forever grateful for your contribution to music

If you know me personally or if you’ve read my blog recently you’ll know I’m a hugely into music. My parent’s influenced me a lot in my formative years, then as a teenager, my taste diverged.

One band that stuck with me from my parents, however, was the Eagles. Now I could rank the top 10 singles and we could argue for years over that. Or what I thought would be more fun is to discuss the top 10 Eagles songs (in my humble opinion) that weren’t singles.

Although I had some hard choices in ranking, some were obvious winners.

10. ‘The Disco Strangler’ – The Long Run (1979)

Writer(s): Don Henley. Glenn Frey. Don Felder.

Although this was released in 1979 I call ‘The Long Run’ their 80’s album. You cannot escape the groove of this track. Henley is my favourite vocalist in Eagles (actually he’s my favourite Eagle).

This song is an interesting take on the late 70’s dance club scene. Girls without a care possibly falling into the arms of the ‘Disco Strangler’. It might be a cautionary tale, or it might just be the music itself. Only the writers know.

9. ‘No More Walks In The Wood’ – The Long Road Out Of Eden (2007)

Writer(s): Don Henley. Steuart Smith. John Hollander.

Did you forget about their most recent album? Don’t worry it’s often overlooked but there are some really beautiful tracks on there. Especially as they branched out with their collaborations.

You need to appreciate the vocal capabilities of the Eagles. You have Henley, Frey, Walsh and Schmit. Absolute gold.

This song is an ode to nature while chastising humankind. It’s telling that the cover of the album is a desert. Layers upon layers of meaning are reflected in strata of harmonies that delight.

8. ‘Journey Of The Sorcerer’ – One of These Nights (1975)

Writer(s): Bernie Leadon.

Do you recognise this tune despite not being an Eagles lover? Well, you’re right. This beautiful instrumental written and performed by Bernie Leadon was the theme music for ‘The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy’ BBC radio show in 1978 & 1979.

The driving melody coupled with Leadon’s banjo is inescapably ethereal. As the only song on this list without vocals, I believe it holds it own. Leadon’s role feels underplayed in the band overall.

It’s very much of the time. The Eagles deliver this song as cohesively as any harmonised track of theirs. I miss the banjo. It needs its triumphant return.

7. ‘Take The Devil’ – Eagles (1972)

Writer(s): Randy Meisner.

Written by Meisner, sung by Meisner. This song was the reason Glyn John agreed to produce the album, as previously he thought the band was too rock for him. So in truth, Meisner saved this album.

I also had to give you a Meisner song. Although his favourite in our family is ‘Take it to the Limit,‘ if you give ‘Take the Devil’ a chance you’re sure to be surprised.

6. ‘On The Border’ – On The Border  (1974)

Writer(s): Don Henley. Bernie Leadon. Glenn Frey.

Beautiful mixture of Henley vocals and harmonies from the rest.

Of course, the boys of the Eagles were always trying to stick it to the man, and they were not a fan of the nanny state. Pretty sure we have a red band if they cared about affiliations.

Plenty of metaphors mixed with outright statements. The slick guitar licks in the middle of the song remind me of the men in suits who want your hard earned cash.

“I thought this was a private line…I’m trying to change this water to wine.”

Their grandiosity never ends.

5. ‘Pretty Maids All In A Row’ – Hotel California (1976)

Writer(s): Joe Walsh. Joe Vitale.

Look every song on Hotel California is a masterpiece, but unlike Gods creatures, not all songs were created equal. This song, in particular, has stuck with me and often pops into my head. A welcomed earworm for sure.

‘Why do we give up our hearts to the past? And why must we grow up so fast?’ 

We also have to give Joe Walsh his due, for this one. The album is bursting with Henley / Frey goodness yet Walsh manages to match their bravado with this storybook and soaring vocals.

4. ‘Wasted Time’ – Hotel California (1976)

Writer(s): Don Henley. Glenn Frey.

Pure Henley and Frey magic. In my opinion, this song is the only challenger to Desperado in soulful honesty.  Hotel California was one of my favourite albums growing up. How the songs made me feel evolved over time.

This song hurt me for quite a while after a bad breakup. All I could do was thank Henley’s voice for soothing me through it. There aren’t enough Eagles songs that featured piano as effectively as this one.

“You didn’t love the boy too much, no no you just, loved the boy too well.”

Ouch! Take a little time to enjoy what the base is doing if the lyrics are too painful.

3. ‘Midnight Flyer’ – On The Border (1974)

Writer(s): Paul Craft.

(This song is a cover but hear me out)

Not written by any of the Eagles but WOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEE what a fucking tune! Pardon my French.

It’s quick, it’s country, and it’s infectious. It was a perfect addition to the surly atmosphere of ‘On The Border’. Leadon’s banjo coupled with train whistle vocals is enough to turn anyone into a country fan.

Drive that beat home boys!

2. ‘Doolin’ Dalton’ – Desperado (1973)

Writer(s): Don Henley. Glenn Frey. J.D Souther. Jackson Browne.

Jackson Browne’s involvement with the Eagles is underrated. Fight me on this.

The boys wrote the album ‘Desperado’ while jamming with Browne. He had recently read a book about gunfighters. This is how ‘Doolin-Dalton‘ was born.

Although it appears as though they are glorifying anti-heroes, the underlying message was the harshness of life in the West.

‘Red-eyed whiskey for the pain.’

I’m with you there boys.

1. Those Shoes – The Long Run (1979) 

Writer(s): Don Henley. Glenn Frey. Don Felder.

This was an easy number 1 for me. Pretty much any song with Henley’s vocals are a winner.

Henley’s vocals coupled with dirty strings. This song is just plain filthy and I love it. You can actually smell the clubs in this song. Everyone imagines their own version of ‘those shoes’ with the ankle straps.

‘But you’re so smooth and the world’s so rough.’

‘They give you tablets of love.’

When you’re young and desperate for attention, ‘those shoes’ will get it for you.

The ringing guitars and the frightful drums are oppressive. The song ends so suddenly you might want to hold onto something lest you fall.

Hope you enjoyed this list. Tell me about your favourite Eagles song in the comments below

Also here is a playlist I made on Spotify:

Copyright © 2018 Thinkingmoon.com – All rights reserved

Like this Tuesday fun? Check this out.

https://thinkingmoon.com/category/tuesday-fun/

 

 

My Anxiety & My Magic – Part VI

– Red: Depressed / Anxious / Angry / Negative

 – Orange: Sad / Unsettled / Low

 – Yellow: Empty / Tired / Fed-up

 – Green: Middling / Feeling Nothing / Don’t Care

 – Blue: Feeling Strange / Unsure

 – Indigo: Happy / Relaxed / Smiling

 – Purple: Very Calm / Content / Happy / Positive

 

I went to Iceland in 2016 with my parents and Le Boo. While driving around we listened to Björk a lot. Her voice and music style makes more sense to me now I’ve seen the landscape of her homeland. It’s incredibly beautiful, but also quite alien. I can only imagine living there before the industrial revolution.

It’s desolate and lonely fields of lava coupled with intense coastlines feels genuinely out of this world. It was the trip of a lifetime. We went to the Blue Lagoon, and I’d paid my ticket in advance to swim in it.

iceland-139016_1280

That never happened. While my parents and Le Boo were swimming in the Blue Lagoon’s naturally heated water, I was in the bathroom of the facility. Crying as quietly as I could in a stall, while my body panicked so fiercely it felt as though I was going to die. For days afterward I was exhausted, and couldn’t enjoy the holiday as well.

When I got back to Ireland, instead of being able to sleep the night before I returned to work, I tossed and turned. My stomach was sick, and I vomited at one stage. When Le Boo was getting ready for work in the morning he was surprised when I didn’t get up. I informed him as soon as my GP’s office was open at 8am I was going to make an appointment with her.

He was extremely supportive by the way and still is to this day.

I sobbed in my primary care physician consulting room, which was a new experience for me. I told her how I was feeling, and how there had to be something wrong. She suggested I quit one of my jobs (which I never had to do before, I have like 3 jobs now) and try some anti-depressants.

I then found a counselor recommended by a friend. She kindly informed me I had a mental breakdown after many years of suppressing pain and illness.

It’s been two years since that breakdown.

Let me make something very clear. At the time of the breakdown I was with Le Boo, and that is an extremely loving relationship. My parents, brother, and friends are all phenomenal people. I had managed to get a scholarship for my Ph.D. which was what I had always wanted, and my career was finally moving in the direction I wanted.

And yet…

You think you get what you want and your mental illness will just dissolve. There isn’t a chance of that. What might happen is finally recognise if your internal monologue is healthy. If your relationship with yourself is kind. The road to discovery this may be tough but I found journaling helped. I included a colour chart I use at the beginning of this post. It has been indispensable to understanding and processing my emotions.

What I discuss on this blog is not revolutionary. It’s not ground-breaking in itself. Except for those suffering from cycles of anxiety followed by depression. When someone with other chronic illnesses discusses their symptoms, tt makes you realise you are not alone in your disease. Although it wants you to feel as though you are.

The community of people I’ve surrounded myself with on this site has been eye-opening. Those suffering from an array of mental illnesses from bi-polar to PTSD to social anxiety, and many more. They describe moments of pain, and they share their load. Hopefully making it a bit lighter.

Share your pain, listen to your emotions, and finally be kind to yourself first. Otherwise, you won’t have anything left to give to others.

Copyright © 2018 Thinkingmoon.com – All rights reserved

I also make YouTube videos on occasion to accompany my posts. You can check it out below:

I am Invisible

I am invisible, they never learned to see me.

My form has been hidden beneath shallow waters,

Inside the grey and the blood, where the pain hides.

You child, have much to learn. Don’t tell me how I feel.

You’ve barely begun yourself, and you have not lived my war.

Fuck off.

 

When I went and laid my life story out before her,

She did what I paid her to do,

She told me my life story, and I wept when it was true.

 

I nearly wrote you a letter about all the good things you were.

Then I remembered you took comfort from someone else,

Who doesn’t know the full truth, of your actions.

You dug into my wounds and twisted them.

You, quick to anger and bitterness,

Once again never thought about my misery.

 

My regards to your own ego.

It serves you well.

Copyright © 2018 Thinkingmoon.com – All rights reserved

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